Can't You See?
by Vivalandra
Summary: "You don't have to be," he reassured Ellie, "and I didn't mean to make you feel apologetic. It's just... the ice is still too thin to tread on." "I'll never expect it not to be," she agreed with him, "because I know how it feels to lose the ones you've loved all your life, too." *ONE-SHOT* Please read and review! RATED T to for mild swearing, so I did it to be on the safe side.


The click of the rifle could be heard echoing throughout the empty, hollow room lit only by the sun's rays that bled through the curtains draped over the bedroom windows, all except for one window, which had been shattered completely, and was being used by an occupant as a simpler way to observe the outside. The elder man held the scope of the weapon up to his right eye and peeked through, looking for a target meters away from his position. He wasn't much aware of what he wanted to hunt for - the deer weren't near crowded areas at all. They have always been fond of stalking in the woods. So considering deer meat was off the menu tonight, he decided to pick on one of the most defenseless animals of them all: a bird. Steading the rifle in his hands a bit, he aimed for the little brown bird sitting innocently in his nest on the branch of an oak tree. He inhaled gradually and as he exhaled, he squeezed the trigger.

A loud BANG! shuddered through the air, the soundwaves bouncing around, creating small ripples of what started out as an ear-piercing noise. He had just barely missed the bird, but it ceased its flight, its wounded left wing in terrible condition, and fell to the ground in a circular motion, its feathers dancing as it went with the wind. The man smirked, rather impressed with how well he had taken the being down. Any other person would've been easily frustrated to the point where they'd give up.

He loaded the gauge with another bullet and assumed the position to take down another one. This one was pretty, a light caramel-brown color with a hint of white over its neck. It gave one flap - two - of its long, feathery wings and prepared to soar away. The man gave a low grunt as he aimed at the bird's torso and slowly squeezed the trigger down...

"Joel?"

A faint, low voice - followed by the shutting of a door - had thrown him off of his concentration and when he fired, the bullet went free, far off into the distance towards the trees.

"Damn it!" he swore as he craned his neck behind him. In his peripheral vision, he saw the figure of a short human being with auburn hair and soft, milky skin. Ellie.

The girl took a breath in, realizing what she had done. She sighed, glancing at the floor in disappointment. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" he repeated menacingly. "Ellie, you do realize the game is our food, yeah?"

"I'm aware. I didn't... intend for you to screw up."

He felt his eyebrows fix together in a fuss, but despite what he was feeling, which was anger nonetheless, he lowered his weapon and turned his body toward the adolescent, preparing to hear her out.

"I need to speak with you," she said.

"About?" he replied, lightly lifting his hand only a little to support his tone of voice.

"What you told me that day... after what happened with..." she trailed off as she let the name escape from her lips before clearing her throat to redeem herself. "David."

The name still to the very day made Joel's blood run cold. That man had been lucky that Ellie had taken care of him beforehand; it wouldn't have been pretty of matters had been taken into Joel's hands. The bastard had gotten what he had deserved - death. But even so, Joel felt that he needed more than that.

"I thought we agreed not to speak about that ever again-?"

"We did, but I'm not talking about him," Ellie stopped him.

Joel was left with a puzzled look plastered on his face. He didn't know where this conversation was going, and at this rate, he didn't think he'd want to. He was afraid to talk to her about what was really on her mind; she had been afraid to speak to him about anything since then. After all, they did vow never to utter a single sound about what events occurred in their past, regardless of the elapsed time since the incident.

But he let her offer soak in, knowing that he couldn't just simply "turn-down" anything Ellie suggests. He patted the remaining space left on the wooden floor next to him and scooted over a bit, with a grunt to express his efforts. He was slowly - piece by piece - starting to feel his age. Ellie planted a seat right next to him and took a deep breath, inhaling the fresh, afternoon springtime air. She could definitely get used to something like this, and back in her hometown of Boston, Massachusetts, she had never seen things as beautiful as a sunset. She had barely ever been outside, never took a hike in the woods or felt the soft pitter-patter of rain splashing along her skin. When Joel and Tess - God rest her soul - found her the day Marlene brought them to her, she hated them, if not just flat-out didn't trust them. To them, she was just cargo, a job that needed to be carried out in order to get what they wanted; for her, they were an annoyance, attempting to take charge when they had no clue what she had been through. Together they all formed a bond... but unfortunately, it was very short-lived. Losing Tess was the start of Joel and Ellie opening their eyes. And that's when it became more than cargo, a job, an annoyance.

Joel became something Ellie had always wanted, but never really had: a dad. A family. And to Joel, when he looked into those deep green eyes, somewhere he had found his daughter. A small spark of what could have been her. If reincarnation were real, perhaps it really was her - just her in a different form. Maybe it was her soul...

"Man, I have never seen anything so gorgeous. Have you ever seen anything this gorgeous?"

With a stiff nod, Joel responded: "Back in Texas, where I grew up, Tommy and I used to watch the sun rise and set like it were our last. We used to fish together, go huntin' - all sorts of stuff. You would've like it."

"I've never been fishing, but I heard it was fun. How-?" Ellie paused, facing her body more towards him. "How do you do it?"

"It'd be kinda hard to show you without any gear. Remind me one day, and I promise I'll take you up on it, just you and me. No one else."

"Awesome," she smirked and held her hand up to give him a high-five. He easily caught on to her intentions and refused to leave her hanging. "Yeah," she quietly cheered as he complied.

They sat in silence for a good two minutes before Joel finally said: "You came in here to tell me somethin'. I'm hopin' you didn't think I wouldn't have caught on."

"No," Ellie shook her head, "that's actually not what I had thought at all."

"What were you gonna say, Ellie? I'm all ears."

She took a deep breath. Her heart was pounding so hard - so rapidly - that she literally thought it might've fallen into her chest. She began to assert herself in her mind - what if this wasn't the right thing to talk about? Maybe people are incorrect when they say there's no such thing as a "wrong question".

"Back at the place," she started off slow, working her words out one-by-one, "before he - David - tried to..." she stopped, getting slightly teary-eyed as she thought about what almost happened that day, re-living it in her memory. Funny how she could remember everything - his weight on top of her, his attempt to strangle her, his venomous words that dripped from his lips - but she couldn't work up the courage to ask Joel one small question. She was brave beyond belief, or perhaps that's what she thought. She sniffed and wiped her eyes before continuing: "when you found me, right after I killed him, you... you wrapped me up in your arms and... you... you called me "baby girl". But no one's... no one's ever called me that before. I mean... isn't that something a dad would call their daughter?"

Joel's eyes grew only a fraction wider than normal as he pieced together the question she had asked. What exactly had that meant? Was she asking him if he had considered her as a daughter or did that mean she was a little freaked out about her given nickname? He couldn't really respond to such a question without more details and her tone of voice wasn't entirely accurate.

"Does that mean you were freaked out?" he asked.

"No. I... kind of liked it."

If her question hadn't taken Joel by a landslide, her reply certainly did.

"You liked it?" he repeated shockingly.

"I've never had a dad or a mom call me that before. I mean, Marlene used to all the time, but... I don't really think she counts."

"Why not? She's been caring for you practically since you were small."

"Because she was always more of a best friend than a mother. She taught me how to shoot a gun and pop a clutch and... I got my first switchblade when I was nine. I've had it ever since." Ellie pulled her feet into her chest and lied her head against her arms. "She used to read to me at night, though. _That_ I do miss. My favorite story had to have been some of the Shel Silverstein poems. One of my all time recommendations had to have been _The Giving Tree_. The moral is so subtle, because it's hidden by a young boy and a talking tree, but when you realize what the story is trying to say... you can never forget what it had taught you."

"_The Giving Tree_, huh?" Joel pondered.

"Yeah... wait... you've never heard of it?"

"Can't say I have."

"A young boy grows up playing with a tree, swinging from its branches and picking its apples and stuff, but then he grows up and loses interest in it and tries to start a new life, and he keeps coming back to the tree for things like money and food and natural resources, but the tree gives him so much that she just becomes a little stump, and finally when he gets too old, he sits on the stump and suddenly, the boy and the tree were happy? Nothing sounds familiar to you?"

Joel had been lost. A story about a boy and a talking tree...? He didn't quite understand what it had meant.

"I don't understand that. Why make a silly story using a talking tree as if it were a human being?"

"He used personification to get through to kids."

"Per-son-ifi-what?"

"Personification, a literate method of giving human characteristics to inanimated objects, and such characteristics qualify as talking, walking, the use of the five senses, etc. It depends on the type of being though."

"Okay then. I didn't know you were a genius in literature."

"Genius?" Ellie gave a snort, pushing her legs outward and crossing them. "Please, we learned about that in 5th grade."

She crossed her arms and cocked her neck to both sides, cracking some bones and working to loosen herself up.

"But like I said earlier... baby girl? Where did that come from?"

"Well," he cleared his throat and licked his lips, "you've heard about my daughter, Sarah, and how much she had meant to me. The funny thing is... I don't think she really ever left."

"What do you mean?" Ellie pinched the explanation.

"You remind me so much of her. Almost everything is identical - so passionate about the little things in life and always fighting to be the one who wins. The only thing different about you two would be the looks - you've got red hair and she had blonde. But every time I look at you... I see her."

"We're similar?" Ellie breathed. "I never would've known."

"You've never met her... but you woulda loved her, and she'da gotten a kick outta you, too."

"What kind of taste of music did she have?" Ellie questioned eagerly. She wanted to know more about Sarah and What she did for a living - what she dedicated her time to. Perhaps Ellie's attempt to bond with her emotionally would strengthen.

"She was into a lot of that rock stuff - the kind of stuff a bunch of kids listened to then. It don't surprise me if you don't know what that sounds like, though. But she was passionate for the guitar. Ever since I'd taught her how to play, all she could think about was playing it."

"Do you think... maybe you could teach me, too?"

Joel blinked twice, letting the thought cross his mind for a bit. Maybe that wasn't half-bad of an idea. After all, it'd be a pretty reasonable way to get in some more bonding time.

"You know what?" he started, "I'll take you up on that."

Ellie gazed at him, eyes sparkling, light radiating against her face, giving it a light glow. With a smile bright enough to melt the glaciers in the Arctic Ocean, she simply asked: "Seriously?"

"Seriously," he gave a nod.

"Hell yeah! You're the best, Joel."

"I could swear that you're my daughter," Joel mumbled more to himself than to the young girl, shaking his head as he moved it forward towards the broken window. His voice was so deep, however, that it came a little louder than expected and he had been afraid that she had heard him - he had just hoped for both of their sakes that she hadn't.

Unfortunately, the odds weren't in his favor.

"What?" She leaned towards him, quite intrigued with his words.

"What?" he mocked her, acting as if he didn't say anything at all.

"Don't play that game. You said, 'I could swear that you're my daughter.' What do you mean? Are you talking, like, reincarnation or something?"

"Drop it, Ellie," Joel replied evasive, "forget about it."

"No, no," Ellie persisted. She clearly couldn't take the hint. "It is what you were referring to, wasn't it? Reincarnation? You actually think that can happen?"

"That's not it," he tried to quiet her.

"But isn't that what you just said?"

Joel stopped and thought it through. In a way, it kind of was. He was actually embarrassed for himself once he realized that he had dug himself a hole.

"I mean," she tried to explain her reasoning, "there's a difference between that and, 'You _remind me_ so much of my daughter', right?"

"That don't mean nothin'. It's the same difference-"

"But there's a chance, right? Maybe if reincarnation was real... maybe my soul really _is _her's."

"Stop," he warned her, smacking the thought like an annoying fly near his face.

"But Joel, you may have a point-"

"Stop!" he hissed at her, his facial expression growing tense. "That's enough... we're done."

Ellie quickly silenced herself once it finally hit her that Joel was being serious. This conversation had taken a U-turn to Crazy Town, not to mention speaking to someone about their deceased child was both unnecessary and inappropriate. "I'm sorry," was all she could say as the conversation died down. But Joel shook his head as if it just didn't matter anymore. Losing his daughter was living proof that not every wound - as people would say - can heal with time. His daughter meant the world to him, and there was no greater pain worse than knowing you cannot bring someone back - that you can't hold them in your arms again or hear their voice again. And that isn't the worst part. The worst part was that in a way, Joel could have prevented it - prevented Sarah from being shot down. He could've stopped it from happening if only he had angled himself the right way...

It had been over 20 years since he watched his 12-year-old daughter die in his arms, the bullet wounds in her stomach the only thing standing between her and her last breath. She had been crying, her only way to show how much pain she was in... and Joel wished he could just take it all away. He wished he could rewind time and stop everything from happening. His heart aches every time he remembers this, and he was nostalgic for the days when he and Sarah did so much together. How would be - he'd often wondered - if Sarah had lived to see this day? Would her beautiful heart be too delicate to withstand it, or would everything fall in line under her will? All that he knew was that once he had met Ellie, he felt it again - the feeling only Sarah could cause. In some form of way, it had to be her. There was no other possibility.

"You don't have to be," he reassured Ellie, "and I didn't mean to make you feel apologetic. It's just... the ice is still too thin to tread on."

"I'll never expect it not to be," she agreed with him, "because I know how it feels to lose the ones you've loved all your life, too."

"But to answer your question - about the whole 'baby girl' thing, I mean. You are a very special girl, Ellie. You're so smart and mature for your age, sometimes I find it hard to keep up. But you can do much more than you're credited for." He shifted around a little bit more before he continued. "There's something about your personality or just overall you that makes me feel... like... well..."

"Like what?" Ellie raised an eyebrow, looking at Joel very awkwardly. She wasn't really sure where this was going and she was afraid to ask so soon. But she decided to stick it out and wait for him to finish.

"Like... how Sarah - and _only_ Sarah - used to make me feel... like I finally mean something to someone."

"What about Tess?" Ellie questioned. "She never made you feel like you had some kind of value to life?"

"Tess was there when no one else was, I'll give out that much. After what happened to Sarah, added to the world going to shit, everyone split up and went their own ways - that's including Tommy. Hence why we're now living in his compound. The only thing we can do now is survive and repopulate. It'll be a never-ending cycle. We all just have to work to rebuild society."

"That's what they said back in Boston," Ellie supported. "Everyone acted as if we were living in isolation or something. I still remember how paranoid everyone was."

"I feel bad for you. I truly and surely do."

"Why? I've never had anyone feel bad for me before."

"You're just a kid," Joel stated obviously. "You should be out playing with other kids and going to school to learn new things, not worry about whether or not you're going to be eaten by a Clicker. You don't deserve this."

"No, _you_ didn't deserve what had happened to you," Ellie shot back about the 'you know what' situation. Joel paused, automatically knowing what she was speaking of. Who knows - maybe he did deserve what had happened. In the end, didn't it make him somewhat of a stronger person? No. Maybe it did and maybe it didn't, but no one _deserves_ to lose their child. It's good to go through pain, for it will make you a better person in the long-run. But a man's child away from him - taking _anyone_ away from _anybody?_ You mind as well just eat their soul.

Ellie pushed herself backwards away from, looking down with her mouth agape, realizing that - yet again - her big mouth had taken control of her. Whatever was wrong with Ellie, it was putting her in a dangerous territory. Any other words similar to Sarah's death and she just might have collapsed into the hole she had already dug for herself. She couldn't keep her mouth shut - she couldn't think before she spoke. And that meant only one thing to her. She's going to do what she'd always done best when conversations went like this with others - she's going to back away.

"I'm sorry," she whispered on the verge of tears, pushing herself up slowly into a standing position and using the sleeve of her shirt to wipe away an escaped tear before turning towards the door and propelling herself into a half-run, half-jog pace. Just as she gripped the doorknob and twisted it, pulling the door open with a small creaking sound, she was seized by the older man's voice:

"Sarah," he called.

Ellie's heart jumped into her stomach. A huge knot formed in her throat. Her breathing became very heavy and stiff.

_He… he knows…_

_He's finally figured it out._

She cleared her throat as she twisted her neck a little to the left, peeking at him from her peripheral vision. "What did you just say?"

"Don't play dumb with me, baby," Joel breathed, stumbling to his feet and meeting Ellie half-way, "I know that it's you. You don't have to pretend anymore."

"I'm sorry?" she once more questioned Joel's sanity. Just a small test, merely to see if he truly was picking up on everything. If he really was… it was true.

"It was so obvious," he stifled a small laugh, thrusting his head with his face upward and closing his eyes, letting everything sink in, just for a second. Then he focused his gaze back to her, the small - but very strong, intelligent adolescent. "It was right in front of me the whole time - I was just too stubborn to see it."

Ellie inhaled and exhaled as she very gingerly took baby steps towards the man. He caught onto her actions and joined in. They locked eyes. They didn't bother to glance away.

"Sarah…" he muttered once more, his eyes brimming with tears, "after all of these years…"

"...fate brought us together again, Daddy," Ellie whispered, allowing a tear to streak down her face. She shivered with delight and giggled with relief. His face was left with astonishment and disbelief as he carefully lifted his arms, like they were made of glass you would find on a porcelain doll, and just as he did, she dashed right into them, hugging him stiffly and not letting him go. She began to weep harder, and he damn near joined her. Joel knew Ellie wasn't one to cry, but whatever kind of pain that she had endured as time had ticked by was all being released. He could hear it through the sobs escaping her mouth.

"This whole time… this whole… and he almost… ra-... raped…"

"I'm never gonna let anyone take you away from me again, baby girl," he tightened her grip on her, protecting her with comfort. "Never… never!"

And then something had gone wrong. Ellie, once a solid figure, began to disappear in his arms, becoming nothing but a vapor in the air. He slowly released his arms and dragged them back, studying the palms of his hands before monitoring the event before him. The young girl's features began to dissolve. First it was her face - her green eyes and milky white skin. Then it was just… her. All of her. She was gone with the wind. Joel averted his eyes between what used to be there and the floor beneath him. In the back of his mind, he had heard a voice calling, and it was getting louder.

"Joel? Joel?!"

"Sarah!" he cried and turned right on his heels towards the broken window. Ellie stood there… tall and firm. She was raising her eyebrow, hands on her hips, looking at him rather suspiciously. He was panting, dang near having an anxiety attack. He glanced forward and backward, side-to-side, and searched all around. Was he having… some kind of a black-out or a daydream? This was too weird.

"Sarah?" Ellie repeated confused. "Joel? Are you alright?"

"You… I thought…"

"I gotta go," she mumbled, moving past him, heading towards the doorknob, turning it and opening the door a crack.

"I'm not alright," Joel suddenly replied. Ellie paused and observed the floor. Her eyebrows knitted together in puzzlement. She met his eyes as he peeked at her, a sort of shine in them, like he was pleading for her help. She was worried about him. He blacked-out, like, twenty seconds ago and failed to respond to her no matter how many times she called for him. Perhaps he had some kind of a seizure or something - Ellie couldn't quite put her finger on it. But she didn't know what else to do besides sit idly to see what else would happen.

Apparently, doing so was a bad choice.

"What?" she asked him, his comment flying completely over her head.

"I'm not alright," he repeated himself. "Can't you see? I'm _never _going to be alright. Never."

She hesitated, waiting to see if he was done. If he had anything else to say, his opportunity would be now. But that's all that could have been said. Nothing more and nothing less. In a way, he had a point. When you lose someone you love, the pain will never go away - just like that person will never be brought back to life.

Knowing that she couldn't argue with what he had pointed out, she simply nodded.

That's all that she had given him - a simple nod.

Not because she wanted the awkwardness to end, nor because of how weird he was acting…

...but because she had agreed with him - because she knew how he felt.

"Can't you see?" he questioned her again.

"_There is a house in New Orleans._

_They call it the Rising Sun,_

_And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy,_

_and God, I know I'm one."_

** ~ THE ANIMALS **- House of the Rising Sun ~

* * *

**A/N: So, I know that this seems a bit rushed more towards the end, but I hope that you guys like it either way. That song up there ^ - Ashley Johnson (Ellie in The Last of Us) sang it on her SoundCloud account. You guys **_**have**_** to go check it out; she's just AMAZING. Her name on there is AshleySuzanne.**

**As for the plot/moral of this one-shot… kudos to the first who can figure it out. It's not a trick question, believe me. It's actually rather common.**

**So, here's the Question of the Chapter!**

"_If you could work with __anyone__ that you would've wanted to on anything (it could be a movie, video game, etc.), who would you want to work with?"_

**For me, it'd either have to be Ashley Johnson or Ellen Page, I don't know. I'd have to think about it.**

**Anyway guys, leave me some comments, preferably on whether or not you liked the story, but I will also _definitely_ take constructive criticism.**

**Please R&R,**

**Vivalandra**


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